"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." Havelock Ellis

We are going to move. The apartment I live in has never been our dream place and after a period with mold in the guest room I am pretty fed up. One of my dogs has become very ill from it and I am wondering if that also could be one of the reasons why I still am struggling with getting healthy. We will move out within the next month, so I have to start packing.

 It feels like I am breaking up with something, kind of finish another chapter in this life. 
Well, I kind of am and it is scary. First we have to find a new place, if we don't within that month we will move in with some friends, the ones with the horses. Finding a new home is pretty difficult right now, not so many apartments on the marked and most of them are too expensive. I hope that I will find one pretty soon, so we don't have to switch places. And then we have to move all of our things. That is not the biggest problem, but it is a lot of work. I feel very exhausted at the moment and am very scared to go into another depression.

Autumn with it's cold days isn't helping so much. As fast as we have found a place and moved our stuff we have to unpack everything again and settle. It will be a lot of stress for all of us, so I expect my youngster to struggle with staying alone at home again. But we will just start from the beginning again and increase the time slowly. I think she will be ok as fast as we have settled. I think it will be good for us all. My eldest dog is hopefully going to feel better again and I hope that her health will improve. And the youngster will stress less when she sees me worrying less. It sometimes is impressive how much they understand. I am very afraid to loose my eldest right now, it would tear my heart apart. But as long as I don't have any obvious test results I won't make any decisions.

I am a bit melancholic today, feeling weird and stressed. The life I have is not what I want, but it is scary to start something new. Leave the safe and known for something scary and unknown. To let go of the old and bad and hold on to the good and take that with us into the future. We will move, that is certain. When and where is another question. I am just scared, damn scared.