I want to fall asleep and never wake up again

You know those days when you just want to fall asleep and never wake up again? Trying to forget how difficult things are, how fucked up life is and all the worries that eat you up. I am tired right now, really tired. Sick and tired of not knowing how life will go on, if we are going to find our own place before Christmas, if moving is going to make us feel better and if the pain ever will go away.

The last weeks have been hell, I found out that my oldest dog also is struggling from heavy allergies, as if Hypothyroidism isn't enough for that little body. I am worried, I am afraid of loosing my heart, the dearest thing in my life. I am so damn scared and I don't know what to do with it? What if the treatment isn't working properly? Where is the this thin line between me being egoistic, letting my dog suffer because I can't live without it, and doing anything I can do in order to help and give my dog the life it deserves? When do I have to say stop? Looking in those eyes at the moment isn't what it uses to be, I see pain, I see exhaustion and I see worries. Why can't she just be healthy?

I addition to that we still haven't found a place to move to, we are going to stay with at their farm friends and I am really thankful for that. But living at someone's house is not the same as living in my own apartment, I can't do whatever I want to, I am not going to have the privacy I need and I am used to, and I already feel kind of being in the way for someone. But maybe it will be great too? Time will show.

This weekend is the big moving weekend, some friends are going to help me move the big and heavy things tomorrow. We drove up the things I am going to have in the little bedroom at the farm today, got unpacked nearly all of it. I am really tired now and think I will just turn off the lights and get some sleep. The next days are going to be pretty stressful, but after delivering the keys I can finally breathe again and relax. Oh gosh, I am so looking forward to it!