"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." Havelock Ellis

We are going to move. The apartment I live in has never been our dream place and after a period with mold in the guest room I am pretty fed up. One of my dogs has become very ill from it and I am wondering if that also could be one of the reasons why I still am struggling with getting healthy. We will move out within the next month, so I have to start packing.

 It feels like I am breaking up with something, kind of finish another chapter in this life. 
Well, I kind of am and it is scary. First we have to find a new place, if we don't within that month we will move in with some friends, the ones with the horses. Finding a new home is pretty difficult right now, not so many apartments on the marked and most of them are too expensive. I hope that I will find one pretty soon, so we don't have to switch places. And then we have to move all of our things. That is not the biggest problem, but it is a lot of work. I feel very exhausted at the moment and am very scared to go into another depression.

Autumn with it's cold days isn't helping so much. As fast as we have found a place and moved our stuff we have to unpack everything again and settle. It will be a lot of stress for all of us, so I expect my youngster to struggle with staying alone at home again. But we will just start from the beginning again and increase the time slowly. I think she will be ok as fast as we have settled. I think it will be good for us all. My eldest dog is hopefully going to feel better again and I hope that her health will improve. And the youngster will stress less when she sees me worrying less. It sometimes is impressive how much they understand. I am very afraid to loose my eldest right now, it would tear my heart apart. But as long as I don't have any obvious test results I won't make any decisions.

I am a bit melancholic today, feeling weird and stressed. The life I have is not what I want, but it is scary to start something new. Leave the safe and known for something scary and unknown. To let go of the old and bad and hold on to the good and take that with us into the future. We will move, that is certain. When and where is another question. I am just scared, damn scared.

Time is flying. Have spent the last two weeks on the sofa with a cold and sore throat, two furballs, tea, tissues and my loved TV! I am finally feeling better and am in a bit better shape.

Haven't done anything really interesting the last weeks, besides reading some great books. I have just finished "The Emotional Life of Animals - A Leading Scientist Explores Animal Joy, Sorrow, and Empathy and Why They Matter" written by Marc Bekoff and I LOVE THIS BOOK! It really touches your heart. I have never cried so much, laughed so much and thought so much while reading a book.
 

 I have always loved animals and been thrilled by their emotions, their love and companionship. I grew up with a little zoo, we have always had dogs and cats, ducks, chicken, geese, rabbits, guinea pigs and some lizards. My neighbor had cows and I used to help him on the farm. I also started horseback riding when I was 8 years old. Animals are such interesting creatures and I could not think of a life without them. They love you for who you are and as you are. They just don't care about what you look like, what car you drive or even if you can talk or walk. I have always found someone to lean to, someone who comforted me when feeling down and who cheered me up...in an animal. They don't let you down as people do. I just love them.

Unfortunately I can't say the same thing about people. Of course that's because of bad experiences, things that have happened through life and that have changed the trust in people you carry with you from childhood. I am not saying that I can't trust people or love them, neither that I don't like them, I absolutely do, but I have to admit that connecting emotionally with an animal is a lot easier and safer for me.

Well, enough reflections, back to tonight. Tonight is spent in front of the PC with a bottle of cider, some audio book (I love to listen to them) and my newest knitting project. I am pretty tired after a long day and will probably goo to bed soon. I wish you a lovely Saturday evening and a great Sunday tomorrow :-)